The proof is in the ...

This whole Tiger Woods thing has got me thinking about how a lot of married men are incredibly stupid about covering their tracks when it comes to undercover loving. I can’t count how many times unavailable men have sent me the ubiquitous ‘hard-on in front of the bathroom mirror’ photo, their faces clearly visible above the glare of the reflecting flash. One guy sent a masturbation video of himself to my cell phone. How would you explain that one? ”Look honey, someone stole my phone, taped themselves jacking off, and then randomly sent it to someone on my contacts list!”.

Well, I guess it could happen. That would actually be really funny. Kinda.

I have many emails and MSN chats from hooked-up men describing what they want to do to me, and I don’t mean give me fashion tips. My all-time favourite is the guy who sent me a tracing of his erect penis with a map to his house on the back. The proof is in the penis. See exhibit below.

So--a couple of questions. Why did this Grubbs gal keep over 300 sexts from Tiger? Well, maybe she’s like me. I keep everything, I’m weird that way. I’ve kept every note I passed or received in high school. Sentimental reasons I guess. And while I didn’t keep the random bathroom mirror shots (sent to me by men I e-met on a dating site—like WTF?), I do still have the peen map, the jack-off video and many incriminating emails and chats. Maybe deep down I feel that I might need them, to prove that these men are not innocent victims of blackmail attempts. I don’t know. I don’t keep them for any malicious reason. I have no desire to hurt someone’s wife or girlfriend. Which leads to another question--why do these men leave such a wealth of evidence of their transgressions (as Tiger calls them) lying around?

It all boils down to one thing. Trust. These men trust that the women they are messing around with are not recording every sext, voicemail, and dirty email. They trust that these women won’t spill the beans, that their secret is safe with them. They trust that even if things end badly, the scorned women will slink quietly off into the background. Ironic isn’t it? The one thing that they can’t give to their wives / girlfriends is the one thing they so freely expect from their mistresses.