My s*** don't sink.

WOW! I'm sure glad the pity train I was on has left the station. Yikes. Thankfully it was a short ride and I'm back and ready for action. And now, on to a few questions.....

At work, why do people from other floors come to the bathroom on our floor just to take a dump? Are they afraid their immediate coworkers might discover they have bowel movements? Why does it not matter that we know? Are they like cats, not wanting to shit where they eat (work)? All I know is that I’ve never even been in a bathroom on another floor. I proudly lay where I stay.

Why is it that we put air freshener in the bathroom, but no one uses it? Are people afraid of being caught in the act of spritzing, because it’s an implied admission of having a stinky poo? And why would that be so bad anyway? You go into a smelly bathroom and there will be 3 people in there trying to look innocent and not one will grab the spray. It’s like a social more that is not to be broken. I was once in a video store and turned down an aisle to be confronted with the stench of a putrid fart. One man stood alone in the aisle. He must have seen the wrinkling of my nose, because he said "It wasn't me". He actually verbalized his denial. I wanted to yell "How could it not have been you, buddy? There isn't anyone else in the store!!". Instead, I smiled gamely and sauntered nonchalantly to the New Releases section.

Why is it that no matter when I go to the bathroom at work, I always run into the same people? And why are those people always the ones taking the most rancid shits? One time, I went into a stall and was unexpectedly walloped by the foulest of odors. I nearly gagged. I held my breath as best I could, quickly washed my hands and was outta there. But first, I noticed a very distinct coffee cup on the sink counter. It had to belong to the one person who was in a stall when I got there and still hadn’t emerged when I left. I must have filed this information in the small recesses of my brain, because I didn’t think of it again until the same thing happened a few days later. Horrific smell = coffee cup. I actually had to go on a covert mission of desk surveillance to track down the offender. Now when I enter the bathroom and the cup is there, I turn around and skedaddle. Thank god for small favors!

And finally, why doesn’t my shit sink? What does that mean? I remember hearing it was a good thing, but I don’t think having to flush 3 times to get rid of the evidence is a sign of good health. This is TMI I know, but I seem to be on a rant about bathroom etiquette so I thought I would just toss that in there. My apologies to all.